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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26026165">Am I Real?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berryberryblitz/pseuds/Berryberryblitz'>Berryberryblitz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Berry's Kaito One-shots/Short Stories [32]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bittersweet, Blood, Dark, Death, Friendship, Hurt, Mild horror?, confused kaito, hakuba is a good friend, kaito is hurting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:55:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,040</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26026165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berryberryblitz/pseuds/Berryberryblitz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Kaito can't tell</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hakuba Saguru &amp; Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Hakuba Saguru &amp; Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid &amp; Nakamori Aoko, Hakuba Saguru &amp; Nakamori Aoko, Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid &amp; Nakamori Aoko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Berry's Kaito One-shots/Short Stories [32]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1509362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Am I Real?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written July 24 2019<br/>Posted here August 21 2020</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaito smiled softly from his living room window as he watched his friends head out for their date. He'd been chatting and joking around at Aoko's expense as he kept her company until Saguru arrived to pick her up.</p><p>He loved them so much, they were too dear to him for the magician to ever think of claiming one of them as his own. He'd long since decided that he didn't deserve either of them, and that it would be within his best interest to keep them together.</p><p>Indigos dulled as a wry smile played on his lips as he closed the curtains and leaned against the covered glass. He wanted their affection, their love, and warmth. He always felt more real when Aoko's smile was directed towards him or when Saguru's snarky comments flew his way.</p><p>Kaito brought his left hand up to eye level, tilting his head slightly as he studied how his tendons and bones when he clenched his hand into a fist. He was Kuroba Kaito, AKA The moonlight magician known as Kaitou Kid. He was real.</p><p>Though it was times when he was alone, left to the mercy of his own thoughts that he doubted his existence. He closed his eyes, taking in a shuddering breath as he slid to the floor, tucking his knees tightly to his chest as his back rested against the covered window.</p><p>Images of blood splattered walls flashed through his vision, haunted indigos staring back at him as he watched. All he could ever do was watch. The cries, the screams, the angry yells, the terrified whining, he'd listened to it all, watched it all, and seared it all into his memory.</p><p>At the time he didn't understand anything, he'd been empty and had no knowledge of the reason behind the pain in those haunted indigos.</p><p>He'd been empty, until suddenly he wasn't. The sudden input of emotions had almost knocked him out as his body trembled with effort. Those indigos, he'd looked into them with horror. Those indigos had dulled with lifelessness. He hadn't really understood why, but sorrow had overcome him before being washed away with rage. His first emotions had been both strong and terrifying. Everything had blurred until he found himself standing over a broken body. The red substance that he'd become coated in had made him tremble, he hadn't yet understood why.</p><p>Then the memories came, and Kaito had sunk down to his knees. His whole body was trembling as he clutched his head, throwing off the weird metal helmet that'd been on him. He was Kuroba Kaito a sneaky trickster that moonlighted as Kaitou Kid.</p><p>Kaito had looked over in a mixture of horror and fear at the lifeless indigos, comprehension hitting him. He'd needed to dispose of those indigos, and he had.</p><p>Kaito bit his lip as hard as he could without puncturing his skin. He was real, he knew he was. The magician couldn't feel physically, but emotionally was another matter. So what if he couldn't bleed or cry? He could feel his emotions perfectly.</p><p>Using his poker face scared him, despite how often he had to use it. If he couldn't feel physically nor emotionally, was he really alive? He wasn't sure but he had to keep going, until the day came when his poker face was no longer needed. Until then, he'd hate himself as he clothed himself in stunning white.</p><p>"Kaito?" Indigos blinked in confusion before he registered Aoko's presence. She was crouching down in front of him with a worried expression. "Why are you sitting all alone in the dark?" She asked.</p><p>Kaito glanced around in surprise to see that his living room had indeed become darker. He'd been trapped in his thoughts for almost the whole day. "I just got thinking and then became too comfortable to move!" Kaito grinned, his heart fluttering at the warmth her presence gave.</p><p>Aoko looked back and shared a concerned look with Saguru. "Why don't we all have dinner together?" Saguru inquired as he stood next to Aoko and extended his hand which Kaito graciously took with a thankful smile. The blond once again refraining from mentioning the lack of warmth he felt from the magician's firm grip.</p><p>"You don't need to baby me Hakubastard" Kaito teased, feeling lively as he headed towards the kitchen. Saguru rolled his eyes, clasping Aoko's hand as they followed the magician, intent to help.</p><p>"Kaito worries us, he gets all sad when alone" Aoko replied softly, giving her friend a playful swat on the head.</p><p>Kaito gave a dramatic shiver as he wrapped his arms around himself in mock disgust. "Ewww! I don't want the Brit and manly girl to be worried about me!"</p><p>Saguru let out an exasperated sigh as he watched Aoko's cheeks flush with rage. "Kaito is being a <em>Bakaito</em> like always!" She huffed, grabbing a nearby mop from a cabinet. The magician paused for a split second before dodging the continuous mop assault against his own person. A wide grin spread across his face.</p><p>"Aoko it's no use trying to put Kuroba in his place, that idiot will always be his crazy self" Saguru drawled, gold net indigo "Nothing could change that" He finished. Kaito felt a fluttering mass of emotions which momentarily distracted him, resulting in him getting a mop to the top of his head.</p><p>"Oh! Aoko didn't actually mean to hit you!" She gasped, rushing to grab the first aid kit and swiftly wrapping his head up without examining it. Times like these always confused Kaito a little, things were the same as before, yet there were little things that his friends did that were different.</p><p>Kaito gave Aoko a grateful grin as he stood up and brushed off his pants and dig through the kitchen cupboards. "Thanks Aoko" These moments with his friends truly made him feel real, he was Kuroba Kaito not in body, but of mind.</p><p>Aoko and Saguru shared a relieved smile behind the magician's back. Kaito was acting like himself again. "Bakaito will eventually tell us what happened right?" Aoko whispered softly as she leaned into her boyfriend.</p><p>Saguru squeezes her hand "For Kuroba's own piece of mind, I hope so" He whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Such an old piece of work...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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